We Do It To Ourselves
A few years ago, I attended a women’s ministry event at the church I attend. We were talking about how women take on so many things. I raised my hand to speak because I had an epiphany as I listened to the other women sing my song. When the mic was handed to me, I simply stated:
“I hear us, ladies. But the truth is, we volunteer to be overwhelmed. If we can be honest with ourselves, a lot of our tasks and responsibilities become ours because we voluntarily sign up for them”.
The room got quiet, but heads nodded in agreement and then slowly, I began to hear “Preach!” or “That’s good!”
We. Do. It. To. Ourselves.
Not exaggerating, it’s been at least 10 years since I attended that event and I’m still overwhelming myself with the things of life. Now, I’m also a wife, a business owner, and I have two more children. I wear many titles, cover many roles, and have many responsibilities. This is all before I offer to help you with what you need. Recently, with a straight face, I asked myself, why am I this way? My response was I’ve never been any other way. From the time I was a child, I was a helper. I always wanted to ‘know’. I was inquisitive and energetic. I was social and just wanted to be involved in everything. As the oldest sibling in the house, I helped with my younger siblings, and I still sometimes think I’m their boss. I’m the family organizer. The finger pointer. The task assigner. But not really. I’d rather just do it all myself.
Why am I this way? I have a hard time accepting help and more honestly, I have a hard time giving up power. If I am in control of the result, I’m not asking for help and probably won’t accept it if someone offers it. Furthermore, with a full plate, I have a toxic tendency of taking on more. Why am I like this? I will work and add and work and pick up and work and help and then ask myself how the hell I ended up here? And then-this is the good part- I DO IT AGAIN!
And again….
And again….
I have taken the last 30 days and done nothing. Just recalibrating. Considering all the things I am, all the things I must do, and all that I am able to do. I don’t want to talk about it this time. I want to do it differently. I want to do it all, but I want to feel good about it. So, I plan to prioritize, I plan to delegate, and I plan to accept that sometimes, I just can’t. That doesn’t make me weak. It doesn’t make me a failure. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. Going forward, I want to choose to work smart and not hard. I want to allow others to bless me with assistance. I want to be able to give each assignment the best parts of me and not feel bad or disappointed by what I can’t commit to. I want to throw “I got it” away and still be excited about the things I that I am working with/on.
I am Eudahnas Hale
I am a wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter
I am a Clinical Educator in the operating room
I am the owner of Moth to a Flame Candle Company
I am the Ambiance Enhancer
I am a student
I have committed to all of these roles. I will be great at ALL of these roles.
I’m now choosing to be great at them, each in their own time and own way. It’s not realistic to be great at all of them, all the time, all at once. So, I can’t say I’m done voluntarily overwhelming myself. Yes, I have always been this way. Yes, I thrive in organized chaos. Yes, I still get the job done. Yes, I no longer want to operate this way, so I am working hard to eliminate this practice, this routine as a way of life.